Everything and Again
by Tsuiccino
Summary: Set way after the Sensui saga. Itsuki has one ability he never told anyone about: he can bring someone back from the dead. Guess who he revives. SensuiItuski


A/N: Well, this idea randomly struck me some months ago, and I gradually wrote it out to paper (this step takes forever) and then liked it enough to type it, spent a week editing it, ignored it for a great while, then finally had the sense to read through it once more and post it. So, yeah, after all this time, it remains basically the same but still very changed, if that makes any sense, but of course it doesn't matter because nobody except me has ever seen the rough written draft. Urg... I hope the plotline idea is original.

Pairing: Sensui/Itsuki

Rating: light PG-13

Genre: was originally intended to be romance so thats what I marked it as, but ended up more angsty musings then anything else,

Warnings: um... kinda repetitive, drawn-out, sorta dark, stream of consciousness, almost shounen-ai (more one-sided angst then anything), sappy in parts, Sensui occasionally acts like a spoiled kid (woops)... and um... I can't think of anything else, and I ran out of good indecisive words, so without an overwhelming amount of further ado, I present with much embarrassment:

**-Everything and Again-**

You are dead. That is all I can think about. I can only sit here in our void, reminiscing about you. Your face, your hair, your eyes, your everything. Every little detail, every single scar, is etched into my thankfully vivid memory, but that still isn't enough.

I could recall anything about you I wanted to, anything at all, but still my heart aches for something to grasp on to, the physical touch of your hand to stop the borderline physical pain in my chest, unearthed from deep inside my heart and buried again, only to escape all measurable bounds and hold me here.

I am trapped in this place, bound to your eternal resting place. I could leave if I wished to, but where would I go? I'm a wanted criminal for siding with you in your attempt at destroying the human race. Besides, I could never leave you; I love you too much to let even your spirit be alone, disregarding the fact that I am completely aware that you can't even tell I'm here. I don't know if you knew that, but I do love you. I will stay with you until I perish of starvation and thirst, and that could be a very long time still, half a forever of loneliness, emptiness, and unrest.

I would give my life to restore yours. I understand that it was your plan to die at the hands of a high-class youkai. I understand that your plan succeeded almost perfectly. I understand that this death is what you wanted. I understand that my selfishness is immense. I think I understand that by doing this, I am betraying you.

I would give my life to restore yours. And I will.

I have one ability that I hid, the only secret I have ever kept from you. I posses the ability to bring one being back to life for a week. An entire week with you, then we will both die. There is no way to evade this fate. But I suppose that I may remain with you when we simultaneously pass on, together in our eternal void, existing as spirits hidden from Enma-sama even after the foreboding judgment day.

I wonder if you will have the same warmth in death that you had in life. I wonder if your skin will feel the same when I touch you or when you touch me, rare as those touches were. There are so many things I will know in one week.

I have made up my mind- I will give in to my selfish want. I will see you again, and die in a way more pleasant then starvation.

I wonder if you will hate me for this. I wonder how I can make this up to you. I wonder why I wonder so much when the answers are coming as I am thrown into a perhaps metaphorical vortex of time, created by one small decision in the larger picture of vital decisions.

Tapping into my hidden ability, I activate it. Youki flows out of me, weakening my body but not my resolve. 'Shinobu... bring Sensui Shinobu back to life,' I silently command, focusing on you. It is not difficult, considering you have plagued my thoughts for so long. I can no longer prevent myself from allowing my thoughts to dwell on you, even if I wished to.

My heart races with excitement. Even if you are angry, I'll get to see you again! I cringe at my selfishness, hating myself for being too impatient to wait for my natural death but unable to pause for an instant my self-centered actions.

'Shinobu,' I think, both to myself and to the youki pouring into you, drawing your soul to its former residence. 'I want to see you alive. Just one more time.'

As I watch, the youki I released turns into seikoki as it senses your life force. In a flash of brilliant golden light, your soul rejoins your body. The bruises and injuries fade away before my eyes, as if time was turned back, but the scars on your chest that you had at the time of your demise, visible beneath the tattered clothing that continues to cling to your body despite gravity's inescapable pull, remain. The blinding color thickens, prohibiting me from seeing any more then your silhouette within the glowing layers. My heart beats faster then I ever thought it could.

After a length of time which seems even longer then the time I have quietly kept watch over your broken body and intangible soul, the light fades. Without hesitation I rush to your side, anxious to see the result of my efforts.

At a first glance, nothing is different. You are as peaceful in slumber as in cold death.

Paranoia settles in the bottom of my stomach, filling me with undue worry. I didn't make a mistake, so what is wrong with me?

Falling to my knees, I lower my head to your chest; feel slight vibrations pulsing from your heart and a pounding against my ear. Relief washes over me, cleansing the baseless bitterness from the back of my mind.

Slowly, I slide my head to your face, savoring every millimeter of skin I brush against on my way- skin so warm and alive. Alive. Shinobu Sensui is alive. Shinobu, I love you. I will stay with you forever, if you allow me.

Our mouths are centimeters away now. I can feel your moist breath against my lips and cheeks. Internally, I fight my instinct to claim your mouth with my own, and I regretfully pull away, fighting for every small distance I gain.

"Itsuki?" a low, surprised voice questions. My head shoots up, alarmed. What if you thought I was going to take advantage of your unconscious state? That's not why I brought you to life!

"Itsuki, what happened? Where am I?" you ask, staring at our blank surroundings with an expression of bewilderment on your face. I notice the tan does not appear faded in the slightest bit. You have been returned to the physical state you held directly before you died.

"Itsuki?" you ask again, more confused then ever.

"Shino...Shinobu... You're alive," I repeat for what must be the gazillionth time this day. I could cry for pure joy, could die of happiness. To feel your heartbeat, to hear your voice, to see you move... it's a complete sensory overload. "Shinobu...you're-"

"That is correct. Now, tell me why," you demand, your currently disoriented eyes morphing into angrier, more serious ones. But you are still Shinobu. Briefly, I wonder why another personality isn't taking over, although by rights the situation would call out Minoru or Kazuya. However, my short fit of even more wondering is interrupted by the realization that I still haven't answered my beloved's question. Wait, is he mine? I'm not even sure of that.

"Shinobu, you are alive because I brought you back. I'm sorry." Straight to the point. Waves of guilt roll through me, tearing at my insides. I can't recall a time I have ever felt this regretful. Hurting the person I love on a careless whim... how could I? Minutes ago it seemed the morally correct thing to do... and now...

You are in such shock, you can't even mask it properly. Doubt and amazement show through your confident façade. "How?" you choke out, eyebrows shooting up abnormally high.

Oops. You never knew about my secret power. Another thing to feel terrible about. I should have explained properly years ago, when there was a chance you would listen. During my initial fit of insanity which drove me to activate my ability in the first place, I overlooked the awkward explanations that would have to take place. "I can. It is another ability of mine. I can restore life."

Your eyes widen even more, and your mouth drops open. "Is that so?"

I nod.

"Why haven't you spoken of this before? Why did you conceal it from me?" you demand, anger rippling through your former surprise, cracking the layer of astonishment to display emotions that run from years ago and have been caged inside your wandering soul for a time too extensive for your fragile sanity to bear.

"I'm sorry. I did not consider it important," I whisper, the reason sounding pathetic to my own ears.

"Not important? Itsuki, had I known of this, I could have somehow incorporated it into my plan!" you scold, your voice balanced, your gaze piercing into my very soul.

The plan. The immortal scheme to destroy humanity. Everything was always about that. I suppose that means I was as much of a pawn as any of the humans you used to battle against Urameshi Yusuke and his companions. It was foolish of me to believe that you cared for me beyond a useful card in your devious game.

"I'm sorry," I insist, and I can feel sincerity radiating from my watering eyes without having to see it. You may not have feelings for me, but I love you, and upsetting you is the last thing I ever desire to do.

For an instant, the anger of Kazuya haunts your face, and another piece of a puzzle falls into place, fitting with its surrounding comrades, creating a clearer picture.

Silence settles over us both, but I can sense questions multiplying in the back of your mind. The awkwardness of the situation fills me, and I realize just how strange this is. Most everybody would love a second chance at life. And no, you are not like everybody else, especially not to me, but my instinct to revive you was based on the widespread fear of death most creatures that have a higher sense of reason posses.

"I'm sorry," I repeat, closing my eyes, expecting you to slap me or hit me with a well-deserved blast of holy ki.

When I summon the courage to open my eyes, your beautiful eyes are glaring into mine, communicating, and swallowing me into storms of concealed emotion. I quiver, feeling tension form between us. The silence slowly builds, each second growing steadily louder.

"Why?" you demand, poisonous anger written in your every movement.

"Why what?" I softly ask. I'm not trying to sound sarcastic; I honestly fail to understand this question that is so important to you. And I'll bet you won't understand my poorly chiseled answer, an answer that is nothing more than an excuse.

"Why?" he whispers. "Why did you revive me?" His voice is rising quickly, his face drawing unconsciously closer to mine, intoxicating me. "You know I was supposed to die! You even told me you accepted my plan, my atonement! Why didn't you tell me about this new ability of yours? Do you have any other abilities of which I should learn about? Can you destroy all humanity with a simple snapping of your fingers? Why couldn't you spare a minute or two, in all our years spent together, to say that you could bring back the dead? I thought we were friends, Itsuki!"

Your words ring in my ears and that last accusation stabs my heart. I attempt to invent answers to your questions, answers of greater significance than low-life excuses, but my head is spinning, causing me to reel backwards, away from you. My skull hits the ground with a dull thud, forcing a sharp jolt to rush through my nerves to my brain, which registers this feeling as pain.

Pain.

Apologizing would be futile now, a waste of the void's unlimited oxygen. I'll have to just present you with the facts on a silver platter. Tell you what I was or wasn't thinking. Explain everything, and be selfless for once. Accept your due anger. I take in a breath, preparing myself.

"W...we are friends," I shakily blurt out from my place on the ground, forgetting the mature approach entirely.

You crawl over to kneel at my side, positioning your face so you can look me in the eye. "That is not an explanation." Your words are icy and unsympathetic, but one glance at you says you are suddenly willing to hear me out.

I compose myself and revert to my original idea. "I should have told you. The main reason I deliberately withheld this information is that I wanted to choose who I would bring back. I know that was wrong, but..." Here my voice fails as I cough, tears forming in my eyes and dripping down my face.

In a childish motion, I bring my pale hand to my face in a feeble attempt to dry my cheeks. After breathing steadily for several seconds, I continue. "To be honest, I never planned on using it at all, but after a long while I really missed you." There was no doubt what 'it' was. "But don't worry; you will only be alive for a week. Exactly a week from the time I first activated my ability, we will both die."

Apparently satisfied with my response, you draw back and sigh. "A week?"

"Yes, a week. Until then, neither of us can die, no matter how hard we try." I'm glad my knowledge of my ability is so extensive.

You remain quiet, seemingly concentrating on the ground as if it were fascinating, but when I follow your line of sight to the point, I see a blank spot identical to the rest of the entire void.

"Can you reverse this? Can I rest again?" Your voice's tone is desperate and weary, as if you had been suffering horribly your whole life, had left the living with many regrets, and just as you were finding serenity and happiness your entire heaven had been pillaged and burned in front of your innocent eyes. I regret ending your peace, replacing it with the lively chaos that exists among the mortal world.

Yet, a part of me feels the pride of accomplishment. Most mortals would kill for a second chance of life, and I have bestowed that gift to one. A short second chance to an unwilling human, but I still recognize the might of what I have done.

More then anything, I am ashamed of that pride.

"There is nothing I can do. Just wait a week," I request, pushing myself into a sitting position.

"Very well." Your eyes portray an emotion whose name and nature eludes me, and I do not respond, allowing for a lull in conversation, which you break after many minutes of silence.

"What course of action do we take now? Surely you did not resurrect me from the dead just so we could sit here for a week, starving to near-death."

I almost laugh, and realize how right you are. However, I had honestly not given a single thought to what we would actually do. A question randomly pops into my head, a question which gave me a desire to know the answer more than any other question I had today. "Shinobu?"

You look up, eyes alert as if you are expecting bad news to be dumped carelessly upon you again, as one might say something inconsequential to the teller but life-shattering to the listener. "What is it?"

"When you were dead, did you give any thought to life? To what you missed? What you had always wanted to do?"

You relax, clearly thankful for the simple question. "Yes, I thought about a multitude of things, including life. I wanted to see more unworthy humans die at my hands. I missed the thrill of killing a species whose wickedness I have seen through my own eyes, and I missed the numbing sensation of obsession. I missed the feeling of being protected by one who would follow me to the end of the world. I regretted not telling the one I loved what my feelings are, I-"

"You love somebody?" I interrupted helplessly. You are in love? "Who?" I try to hide the involuntary shiver in my voice, fearful of your answer.

Your eyes wandered to a different spot on the ground, every bit as uncertain as I. "I will tell you on the day we die," you offer, after a length of time utilized by weighing the various limited options available to you.

"Okay," I agree, not wishing to press the uncomfortable subject, and scared to death of your answer. The day you reveal the identity of this being, probably a youkai female, is the day I will have to cease living in my fantasy world, a wonderful world where you love and appreciate me above all else.

"Shinobu?" I think its time to return to the original subject. "What do you want to do while you are alive?"

"I don't know," you reply, and your eyes glaze over as you seem to recall memories of happier times, when we would spend our days acting like typical teenage boys. I miss those days, before you lost your mind. You used to radiate warmth and innocence, in a purer way than you do now that you have been jaded and tainted by cruelty, insanity, trauma, plots, and death. I think I loved you since those carefree times as Reikai Tantei (the phrase had an aura of ignorance when I thought about it), and through the time of your sudden one-eighty in beliefs, during your days of villainy, and my feelings have only grown stronger with your extended physical absence from my life.

Your sensual voice breaks though my musings. "We could do everything we used to do," you suggest. When I don't respond immediately, you continue, as if to coax me. "We could see our city again, and go everywhere we regularly went to."

Is sounds like a wonderful idea on the surface, but dipping a little further, there was one critical flaw. "Unfortunately, you might start to kill people and cause a mess, which could peak the interest of Koenma and force us into hiding."

You look temporarily defeated, and stare at the ground again. "I cannot change human nature, my own or the terrible truth, nor can I shield myself from the despicable personality buried deep inside even the kindest of humans, but I can make a new plan," you say slowly, as if a revelation had revealed itself to your privileged mind.

My heart sinks. A plan. I should have seen that coming. You will use my gift of life as a chance to pursue your goal of annialating the human race.

"If you wish that," I respond, lowering my head in a display of submission. I may not agree with your stereotype of all humans, but who I am to stop you? I completely set you up; put you in a position where you have nothing to lose, making a global genocide the obvious choice for you.

Suddenly, I find myself on my back once again, having been pushed down by an angry Shinobu. Not Kazuya, the personality who would usually come out in this situation, but Shinobu. It was obvious; sometime during your time as a dead man, the other personalities had merged into the original, leaving only the one I love, my Shinobu, who is now sitting atop me, straddling my waist.

A hot blush rises to my now-dry-but-still-salty cheeks, warming my entire face. "Shinobu, what are you doing?" I squeak, forgetting my collected composure completely.

In yet another outburst, a combination of Kazuya's release of anger, Minoru's calm demeanor, and Naru's whiny approach, you speak to me in a calm but forceful voice, "Itsuki, why don't you support my hatred of humans? You do whatever I ask of you, but I know that you really don't feel strongly about anything. You are a youkai, and as such you should be ecstatic for the opportunity to make a significant dent in the human population! You should jump at the chance to run rampant, killing as you go! You have seen the Black Chapters tape! How can that not affect you?"

You are acting like a child, and a mentally unbalanced child at that. I credit that to the fact that you need to vent to somebody, and no longer have a clear target for all your pent up anger, frustration, and disgrace.

I try to piece together a suitable reply, and although I'm not entirely satisfied with it, I decide that I shouldn't wait too long to speak. "I don't think that either species is perfect or horrible, so I can easily accept both. I think, and do not simply lust for blood and senseless violence, but will I carry out your desires, no matter what the objective is. Besides," my voice lowers, and I stop to ponder if I want to actually say this. "Besides, I could never despise all humans. You are human." As I add the last part, a slight pink blush forms.

I look away and close my eyes, allowing my sappy speech to sink in, and I focus on distracting my mind from our suggestive positions.

Finally, you nod, and speak more slowly and thoughtfully than I've ever heard you speak. "I cannot accept human nature. However, for your sake, I will not try to destroy humanity this week."

I know you well enough to see that you will try not to exert yourself and learn to love humans as you once did, but you won't attempt anything dangerous, if just for the reason that you don't want to call Reikai attention to yourself. I flash my widest smile, straight from my heart. A week of fun, without any dastardly plans to wipe out an entire species! A week with my Shinobu... a week with you.

"Itsuki, stop staring into space," you order, embarrassed that you surrendered in your perpetual war against the humans.

"Of course," I reply. "What do you want to do first?" We are so close to being out of here, at long last. Finally. I have spent too long in this desolate place, all alone with the exception of a spirit who didn't even know of my existence in its world.

You think for a second, adjusting your position so you are sitting up but still sitting on me. "We can order pizza and watch TV, or go to the arcade, or take a walk or something like that..." Your voice trails off as you run out of memories of what we used to and can still do.

"We'll see what there is to do," I respond, mentally going over where I have emergency human currency stored. It is most likely still valid, unless too many years had passed. I can estimate that it had been approximately ten years, maybe five more, since your death. The country had not been in any political turmoil when we disappeared into our present location, so the government had probably not significantly altered, thus logic points to the possibility that the currency hadn't changed.

But right now I don't really care.

"Shall we go now?" I ask, eager to go but reluctant to leave my comfort zone, here with you, especially with you on top of me. Luckily, I'll be with you all week, and hopefully forever. Again I wonder what death will be like.

You nod, and slide gracefully off of me. I'm disappointed, but it is all for the best. I cringe at how embarrassing it would have been if you had noticed my body stirring due to your thighs pressed closely against my hips, said thighs half bare because the amount of tearing your pants had received thanks to Urameshi, tan legs taunting me, tormenting me with their exposure.

I close my eyes, concentrating on temporarily exiting the void. Although my youki is still low from reviving you, I have enough for this.

I close my eyes as my life energy disperses through my creation, this prison I made for my beloved's soul. I hear you gasp beside me, and we feel the first wind we have felt in many years rustle our hair.

We're free. We're here in Ningenkai once again, both of us completely alive, our eyes liberated of dark intentions. I will remember this moment forever. For so long have I dreamed of an impossible moment resembling this, and tried to postpone my yearning. And now...

The strong urge to hug you for no particular reason at all rushes through my entire body, and it takes so much willpower to quell this random urge.

I shiver from sheer excitement, not from fear, breathing in the polluted air. Somehow, this is almost as adrenaline-rising as the resurrection that started me in an upwards spiral to this feeling, so close to raw happiness.

Ningenkai... so many memories in such a short time... with you...

I open my eyes.

The End

Heh, to tell the truth, I have no idea how good or bad or boring or whatever this is, because I didn't have anybody read it for me. Personally, I wish it could have been less mopey, but that's just how I tend to write. I emailed it to a beta reader, but she was slow, so I went ahead and posted it anyways because she was never planning on actually reading it. So I guess that means its boring...?

Well, if you've survived down to here, tell me what you think or how bad it was or SOMETHING so I know that someone actually read this. This took me months (on and off) to write and complete, so its worth the whopping minute you can spend to review. Right?


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